It’s been four long weeks since we’ve come back from our amazing little break to Egypt and I’m onto the last phase of Qype’s Word on the Beach competition (have you voted for me?!). We’re supposed to talk about what we brought back from the trip and aside from a couple of gallons of the Red Sea (I blame my snorkel. It had holes in it) I didn’t really bring anything else back. But like, you can vote for me anywayz!
Although, having said that, this portion of the competition is called “return to relaxation”, appropriate given that on my last steamy evening in Egypt, I booked myself in for a massage and honey, I think it was more about what I didn’t bring back because that masseuse of mine? She rubbed my troubles away…
“… I arrive promptly for my 5pm slot and am ready to be playdoughed into oblivion. My masseuse is introduced to me. She’s about four feet tall and two centimeters wide, I shit you not, and I’m wondering if I’m even going to feel a purr. I’m not allowed a camera in the spa, mainly because women of all shapes and sizes and ages are wandering around topless and I’d say all (except for the orange-tanned fake-breasted bottle-blonde stripper girl) would object violently to my taking of photographs.
I’m led into a room which I’m guessing to be about 8 x 12 feet (like LiLo’s cell!) and it’s pitch black save for the strip of light creeping in under the door. Why? I don’t know. Maybe to eliminate the unnecessary sense of sight so that I can better indulge in the senses of touch and smell and sound.
I lay on the table face down, peeping through the “face hole” (really, is there a more elegant way to put this?) and realise that for the first time ever, I won’t spend the duration of the massage analysing the paint job on the legs of the massage table. Music comes on and I start to relax immediately, the tune a hypnotic opera number reminiscent of the Gregorian chant meets Fragma, arguably the best (or at least my favourite) electro-pop girl group of the 90′s.
So it turns out the tiny four foot tall masseuse has hands the strength of Thor. She kneads powerfully and poetically up and down the full length of my body back and front and for the first time in my life, I receive a stomach massage. Note that me rubbing my belly after a hefty meal does not constitute a massage. At first, I’m not 100% sure if I like the stomach massage, the deep kneading feeling much like a rearrangement of my innards. But somewhere between wondering if my lunch would reappear and if perhaps she’d stimulate some bowel movement (sorry guys!) I start to drift off into a dream where I’m in a magical desert land the scent of musky rose and there’s a gorgeous Egyptian Prince who’s ru-…
I snap out of the luscious dream as my little masseuse works her way up to my face – my face! another first – and moves her powerful little fingers in perfect circular motions, stimulating my neglected nerves and damn it feels good.
After an hour of blind pampering, I emerge from the spa into the scorching 6pm heat and meander somehow back to my room. I plop myself onto the bed and just lie. And think. And breathe. And live. Ok, now I’m ready to go home…”
Ok so I was going to just write that little rendition of my massage above and pretty much submit that as my final piece but then you would have been left wondering why the heck is there a photo of some courgette looking dish right up the top of this post?
Well. Things are not always as random as they may appear.
Really, as if I’d let a post slip by sans food. Y’all know me better than that. I did honestly think I was coming back from Egypt empty handed but spending two hours rummaging around the one shop in Sharm eh Sheikh Airport with my stray Egyptian pounds proved fruitful. I managed to pick up the cheapest (circa £2.50), nastiest Egyptian cookbook available…
… and voilà! Introducing my Egyptian courgette and chick pea salad, and a tahini hummus (just for good measure), which I served with a lightly seared tuna steak.
If all that made you hungry, then pop over to thecattylife and lift the recipes!
ps. the cookbook isn’t actually all that bad. It’s thin and flimsy and probably has food in it that Pharoahs would have never heard of, but there are some interesting recipes like honey and cardamom ice cream which I can’t wait to try! 
Word on the beach from Reef Oasis Beach Resort, Sharm el Sheikh.
E-to-the-effin’-G-Y-P-T people! It’s been 10 days since I’ve been back from chillaxing on the shores of the glorious Red Sea, and I’m still in complete awe of myself that I actually managed to win this ridiculously cool vacation! I know I know I need to snap myself out of it and shift my laser focus to the big fat main prize and to kick start that focus (and appease the Twitterati who’ve been hounding me for my post on Egypt), herewith lies my little itty bitty review of Reef Oasis Beach Resort, a 5-star all inclusive resort on the coast of the Red Sea in Egypt’s Sharm el Sheikh. (and holy crap, I shit you not, I just typed Beef Resort. Hello, my name is Catty and I am a food blogger.)
Good Vibrations
I have to say, the “vibe” of the holiday started like a monkey shot up on meth-amphetamine let loose with a set of bongo drums. It’s amazing how once you have children, your entire existence revolves around the way they eat and sleep and sh*t (because I have recently been enlightened by the mother of a new baby that the health of your baby lies 110% in the consistency of their poop, but hey, y’all didn’t really need to know that) and more importantly, your entire year revolves around when your children have school holidays.
Well. Given that we don’t have any children, Panu and I have not a clue when school holidays begin and end and so it was with such whizz bang genius accuracy that we planned our getaway for the first goddamn day of school holidays, on a plane which resembled something of a menagerie full of erratic, squawking birds. Un-fun.
5.5 hours later and my eyes are on stalks, my ears are bleeding and my nails, my nails are actually ok because I’m vain and it’s all about good nails, baby.
We land in Sharm el Sheikh and step off the plane into a veil of heat and humidity which smacks us in the face at 30 degrees Celcius, at TEN O’CLOCK AT NIGHT. It’s a welcome heat though because it’s been 10 long months since I last saw a beach and as we’re coached along the bustling streets of Sharm, I feel the vibe start to mellow and await the unfolding of my little beach vacation, which I can now sum up as:
… heavenly…
… mystical…
… and delicious…
Insider News Flash! Getting off the plane with every elementary school child in all of England, we thought we’d be swamped with nasty, stinky, noisy children but Reef Oasis is something of a wonder. Spread over 220,000 square meters, they may be housing hundreds of guests but it sure doesn’t feel like it. The peace and quiet astounded me and the relaxing vibe hits you as soon as you arrive to the moment you’re back at the airport and plunged back into reality. And the menagerie.
Makin’ a Splash!
Firstly, Egypt HAS A BEACH. I know this sounds ridiculous to explain but you would not believe the number of people (including me!) who until Google Maps explained that Egypt isn’t all pyramids and deserts thought that Egypt was well, all pyramids and deserts! But no sirree it ain’t.
Egypt has pyramids and deserts and beaches, and Sharm el Sheikh in particular is situated in Egypt’s Sinai Peninsula and has miles and miles of coastline which play footsies with none other than the Red Sea. For those visual people amongst us, you might want to check this out:
You might have also noticed that we had us a couple of Kodak Playsports to play with, courtesy of we-love-you-Qype! These babies are super resilient underwater video/still cams and are A Heap Of Fun. Pity we can’t aim good.
Anyway aside from stalking fishies, we took the Playsport to Reef Oasis’ 23 (TWENTY-THREE, two. three. For realz) pools scattered across its grounds. Between lazing by the pool, cooling off with a dip, snacking at the pool side bar and being provided with the most refreshing mint-chilled towelettes, we managed to have a little bit more fun. In case you never knew what it looked like to come down a slippery slide…
To say that I didn’t thrive in three straight days of sun soaking goodness would be an outright lie. Reef Oasis makes lazing in the sun insanely easy with their expansive private beach and billions of pools but people, be sun smart! I applied SPF 40+ constantly, because a wrinkly tan just ain’t cool. And wear sun glasses. And a hat.
And yes, I wore a different bikini every day.
You ask why? I ask why not?
Insider News Flash! The Red Sea is also known as Allah’s Aquarium, for its abundance of stunning ocean-life. Snorkel gear at Reef Oasis costs LE40 (about £4.50) a day so if you have it, bring your own! Also, instead of jumping into expensive pre-purchased diving tours, wait til you get there, there are dozens to choose from, including free 30 minute dives off the pontoon!
After the Sunset…
Now before I go on, if y’all are after a review of how the partying went down in Sharm, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to break it to you but the only partying I did was with the fireflies. Panu and I had all the intentions of a peanut to maybe if we’re bored we’ll go check out Na’ama Bay, Sharm’s party HQ, but we’d been so over worked and in need of relaxation and also… not to make you regurgitate your last meal or anything, but we wanted to be romantic.
That’s right, collective *awwwwww* and then – PUKE. Thanks.
Reef Oasis is absolutely magical by night. As the sun dips below the horizon, the resort becomes remarkably still and slowly, as the heat of the day dissipates and becomes a comfortable warmth, sun soaked revellers emerge from their air conditioned bungalows to take in the twilight.
And with the sun safely below the horizon, the resort truly becomes mystical and really, where is everyone? Ok don’t answer that, they’re probably out partying at Na’ama Bay where my geriatric butt could not go, but you know what? I didn’t really care. Panu and I had the run of our money in the enormous resort that was all ours, strolling through the moonlit grounds, stopping for iced tea and dipping our feet into the sun warmed pools…
I mean seriously, can you say tranquil?
Oh check it out, we managed to find everyone else! The resort puts on nightly “animation” shows and hey, they’re all watching Michael Jackson 
Insider News Flash! Reef Oasis spray their ma-hooo-sive grounds with a non-intrusive mosquito repellent which you and I can’t see or smell but heck do they kill them pesky buggers good and proper! Luckily, they don’t kill the dragonflies because we do love our dragonflies.
Culinary Delights
Ok so Qype didn’t ask us to write about the food but really, did you think I was going to do a whole ginormous blog post without writing about food? Puh-lease.
Reef Oasis Beach Resort is the KING of all All Inclusive resorts. I’ve been to some resorts where you maybe get a couple of meals at the same buffet included and even then it’s pasta and pasta and potato and if you’re really lucky, rice. Reef Oasis’ all inclusive covers everything from numerous restaurants and cafés serving both buffet and a la carte and even snacks and drinks (soft drinks, alcoholic drinks, bottled water) around the clock. Yes, that’s 24 hours people. And it’s all free! (we do like us a bit of free over here).
And the food is good, with fresh seafood and tenderly cooked meats to perfect little burgers! I mean seriously, I’d totally pay for this food.
Situated overlooking the beach, La Citadel Grill Restaurant specialises in seafood and… seafood. The freshest, sweetest crabs, squid, fish, mussels, clams, oysters ~ all you can eat, all for the cost of nothing! God I love it. In order to maintain some level of normalcy, I decided against piling my plate to the brink and ate in “courses” instead, starting with crab and squid cooked in a chilli sauce, followed by whole baked fish with cous cous and vegetables.
And the desserts. Oh my LORD the desserts. Fruits, cake and sorbet, but look at my poor little sorbet all melted in this 30-degrees-at-10pm heat.
Towards the entrance of the resort is La Gioconda Italian Restaurant which, no prizes for guessing, served up Italian, buffet style. Granted that I’d been eating non-stop, I opted to go very very easy on this buffet and in light of the amazing food on offer, I managed to avoid the pasta bar all together.
Check out the generous serve of duck orange. They’d charge £15 for that here in London, and that’s a bargain. Desserts at La Gioconda were particularly impressive ~ a selection of delicious and suspiciously authentic Italian sweets and biscuits.
The Main Restaurant offers an outdoor BBQ as well as indoor buffet and doesn’t really have a theme, just a mish mash of all kinds of cuisines. Probably my least favourite of the three restaurants, but the grilled octopus was just a little bit to die for.
Scattered across Reef Oasis are also numerous bars and cafés which serve free food all day long. There’s even a café at the beach providing snacks like fried chicken – because anytime is fried chicken time!…
… but we were especially impressed with the Patio Snack Bar down by our favourite pool, which served a la carte snack food all day, including salads, burgers and toasted focaccias.
Of course, if you actually want to pay for your meals Reef Oasis also have two fine dining restaurants on site ~ Moonlight Restaurant and Senses Restaurant. But don’t ask me how they were because I was quite happy not paying a cent 
Insider News Flash! Everyone who goes to Egypt prays to their new found God of Everything that they don’t get “Egypt belly”. There are a few things you can do to avoid the dreaded e-belly, including constantly sanitising your hands (the money apparently is inconceivably dirty) and only drinking bottled water. In fact, make sure you even brush your teeth with bottled water. The great thing about Reef Oasis though is that they offer mineral bottled water on demand and even make their ice with mineral water, so you should be a-ok. In the event that you aren’t a-ok, there’s a 24 hour pharmacy on site and hey, if you really struggle, Sinai hospital is just down the road!
ANYWAY, thank you for staying with me til the end of this very very long review! Just one more thing! I WANT TO WIN THIS COMPETITION and right now I’m losing to a fat guy in a mankini, so please, if you could… VOTE FOR ME!
Ta muchly!
And finally, a BIG thank you to Qype and On the Beach, and the excellent company I had in the form of my boyfriend. Who took photos of me when I was sleeping.
Gooooood Monday everyone! Right now I’m in my office, the air conditioning switched on to a very consistent 21 degrees Celsius. I’m staring outside at the traffic below and the ant-like folk of London weaving, dashing to get to… somewhere. Everything is a bleak shade of grey, a reflection of the thick clouds in the sky above but hey, who am I to complain? At least I have a window seat.
But alas, this time last week my seat was perched IN THE EGYPTIAN RED SEA. I had somehow become a finalist in Qype’s competition and won myself a short break to Sharm el Sheikh in Egypt. It’s totally and utterly insane, I’ve never ever dreamed of winning anything this amazing and up until my feet stepped into the warm ocean and met with the delightfully friendly fish who quite literally swim right up and nibble on your toes, I didn’t believe it was real.
But it was real. And what’s more crazy real? Being a finalist in this competition, I now have the chance to win a HUGE beach holiday to the value of £2000! Now that would be insane!
I’m still yet to write up my Egyptian holiday but I need votes, guys. Votes votes votes. So if you’ve just dropped by my blog and you like it, or hey even if you don’t, please help a sister out and vote for me. You don’t need to register, you don’t need to give your email, it’s literally clicking one button and voilà, one more very much appreciated vote comes my way! It’s easy!
ps. Voting closes on the 5th of September which by the way is MY BIRTHDAY so omg, imagine what an awesome present this would be!
pps. If you’ve voted for me, THANK YOU A THOUSAND THANK YOUS. I appreciate it more than you can imagine!
ppps. In case you missed it, check out my little video of “getting ready for Egypt” in the youtube stream above
Challenge 1- Prep to Jet
We set our finalists some Challenges to meet along the way, the first was for them to tell us about their holiday prep routine…
Finally! Zero sleeps to go! I’m off on this crazy ridiculous holiday that I won… and for a little sumthin’ special (or not, depends what you like!) I decided to make y’all a little VLOG of… me and my little getting ready for Egypt process
Aside from being totally excited about the holiday, I loved the idea of having an excuse to buy STUFF. I mean, I didn’t pay for the holiday right? Which totally justifies me spending money on a new hat / book / bikini right?
Damn right.
So you’d better believe I hit the shops in preparation for this itty bitty beach break here and stocked up on the essentials:
1. A new hat
There’s this hat guy at Covent Garden who sells the most awesome headgear for cheap so I made a bee-line for him and tried on one or two or um, like ten hats. I was infinitely indecisive and actually think I like that big black cowboy hat best but alas, I wasn’t sure if I was “cowgirl” enough to pull it off. The big floppy hat was a no-no and the pink was a little too disco for Egypt, so I settled for a simple brown number…
2. A new book
Still reeling from the closure of Borders (oh, how I miss thee!), I rummaged around in Waterstones trying to find me the right book. I wanted so many because if there’s one thing I love as much as food, it’s books! After browsing for an eternity, I settled on Eat Pray Love in preparation for the movie, because have you seen the preview? Looks totally chick-flick-awesome!
3. A new bikini
Ok so I didn’t really need a new bikini, but I’d like to have a new bikini. I tried on billions (ok here I go exaggerating again) and my favourites were the red Juicy Coutures, but sadly they were a tiny bit out of my budget, free holiday or not. I ended up with a pair that is SO NOT ME ~ frilly pink! I know, weird right? I blame holiday brain
Anyway, I’m now 100% ready to do nothing but lie on the beach! I truly wish I could bring everyone with me…
Sadly, I can only bring you in spirit, so see y’all on the other side!
Once again, thanks Qype and On The Beach!
xx
